woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
