woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
