He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
