I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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