i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
