I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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