I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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