dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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