And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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