just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
