It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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