sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
