OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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