im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
