yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
