White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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