He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Randomize
