I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
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