I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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