so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize