It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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