im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize