had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
