Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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