Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
