The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
