I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
