im six kinds of drunk right now
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
