whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Someone came in the potted fern
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
