just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
