I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
