He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
