But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
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