Betty ford says i'm here all night
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
