does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
