we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize