hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
