dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
