Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
