I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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