who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
