They should really pass out barf bags in church
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
