i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
