she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
