There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
