so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
