I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
