I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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