If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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