Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
My Higher Power is John Stamos
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
