how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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