There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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