i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
