he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
