I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
