i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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