At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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