WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize