If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
