I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Randomize
