dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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