i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
