Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
