I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
