so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
