big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
