STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Less talking, more tequila
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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