Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I deserve this hangover.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
