OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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