I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
