you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
