Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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