Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
