I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize