I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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